Our lives touch others. Our orbits spinning alongside our neighbors like so many decussate circles, crossing and brushing and bumping against each other in turn. We may set out to carefully circumscribe our path, plan for this or that, and even if our part is well played, the tap of even a single other out-of-balance orb can send our carefully laid projections wobbling. Will we be ok with that? Can we trust? Can this, too, be part of the atmosphere of which Charlotte Mason writes?
Our biggest bump came in the form of a front row seat to a family losing its center of gravity, flying off course, dissolving. We watched as a family fell apart, saw the fallout. There is always a temptation to stand back and take cover in times like these, to shield one’s own, and I felt it.
Not knowing how far the path would lead, or what would come along the way, I didn’t even feel like a choice had been given to me; there was need, and we were there: Send me.
Send them.
And just like that, our homeschool doubled. On top of the academics, there was the ongoing trauma; alongside math, there was hot chocolate; along with history came a need for more tables and crisper schedules… and grace. Grace for this introvert to love, even when love felt crowded. Looking back, I can truly say that God’s grace was there for all of the contingencies I could never have anticipated. I saw His faithfulness, and all He asked for was my willingness. It is all at His feet now, each day that synced into a week, the weeks that grew into years. The seed has been sown and the soil tamped.
Of the many things I learned in that season, the one that carries the most weight is the power and stabilizing force of the seemingly basic formula of a mom at home with her kids: a present mother. Even if that is absolutely all you can be in a given time, don’t demean it. There is nothing in the world more needful to your children.
As we near the end of this series, as I have waxed poetic about all of the things, encouraged and explained the various aspects of this life-giving way of educating your children… know that all of those details pale in comparison to the value of you, plain old you. Whatever your shortcomings are, however incapable or unmatched to the task you may feel, you are the single most vital piece in your kids’ childhood. Nothing can compensate for you. No plan. No curriculum. No technique. No schedule. Nothing.
When I opened my home and took over my nieces’ education, the one thing I was always keenly aware of was that I could never, no matter how on point I was, how living the content, how deft the handling of all of the things, compensate for mom.
This is what I want you to hear.
Aim for all of the things. Seek to know and grow in your understanding. Charlotte Mason’s philosophy is good ground in which to sow your effort. The repercussions will touch every part of your life. Strive forward because that is healthy. But rest in the fact that your very existence and presence are the things that really matter. The mornings when you feel like all you can do is roll out of bed, feed kids, and keep them alive till dinner… that is the crucial foundation stone. That is the part that, no matter how disheveled, cannot be compensated for by even the most gifted caretakers and teachers. You are the vital piece.
And Charlotte Mason knew this. While her work spread to include classrooms, her original inspiration and passion were for moms, for homes. Speaking to a culture where boarding school was the norm, her philosophy encouraged moms to buck the system and stop second-guessing themselves. Education could be handled at home! And do you know what the first and most valuable ingredient to this new recipe would be? Atmosphere. Parents. Homelife. The hiccups and the chance encounters. The planned and the unplanned. The good and the bad. Upon this piece shall we then lay discipline and habit. And without this piece, there shall be no building.
Charlotte Mason’s ideal was not a curated and codified environment staffed with people who “know” but home, with parents, and all of the haphazard idiosyncrasies. The key for Charlotte Mason is the atmosphere of the home, and this holds true even when academics are handled in a class setting; home still holds the ultimate sway.
Miss Mason knew this, and it is why the first of her writings includes specifics for keeping mom healthy. She knew the pressures and insecurities that would try to sneak in, knew that you cannot draw water from a dry well. Moms need space to rest, to be outside, to read, to make, to be curious, and to develop as persons. In many cases, the women who find themselves called to this sacred position never had the chance as girls to learn and develop in a living way. This is why “The Feast” is vital for mom, too – and even first. We cannot lead where we won’t go. I can’t claim something as important that I don’t make time for. We, as mothers, must invest in ourselves so that we are healthy, so that we can stay the course, so that we have something to offer the little people clustered around us. And it’s all a bit of a paradox, really; it may feel like I am piling just another thing onto your already full plate, but it is oxygen I am giving you—the catalyst for life. Rather than fatigue, it will empower; rather than burden the day, it will lengthen the hours, redeem the time.
And if you can’t. If you absolutely cannot at this time. If the postpartum is too much, if everyone is sick, if the move is imminent (again), if the autoimmune issues just won’t stop, if the grief is lingering, then tuck these truths away. Keep them as a goal, a beautiful ideal to steer peacefully towards. The big ships don’t turn on a dime. Some things take time. Some course changes take constant effort at the wheel, after and in the direction of a long and meaningful gaze. For now, just be present. Put down the phone, look into their eyes, and breathe. Stop wading through life. Sit down in the waters. If you are there, the most valuable piece is in place.
Sara Timothy 2025
Author’s Note:
To whom am I writing? To moms. In doing this, I am not marginalizing all of the involved dads. I could equally write about their magnificence! But in my experience, it is moms who most often feel the belittling of society, the flux of the hormones, so intrinsic in this process, and the overwhelm.
I also know that this piece can cause despair. I am keenly aware of the broken and tangled family dynamics that are strewn about this fallen world. Perhaps you are in a situation where mom is not or cannot be in the picture. Perhaps dads or aunts or grandparents are taking up the slack. As I said, I have been there, I have been that aunt, and I can assure you that you have been called for such a time as this and that God’s grace is there for you. Father to the fatherless counts for moms, too, you know. My purpose with this piece is to speak directly to the mothers who are reading this, to empower and encourage, to break the cycles of lies that the devil whispers to moms in particular. To cast vision for the nobility of this calling. For our generation, but also the next. A mother is never “just a mom”, as C.S. Lewis wrote to a Mrs. Johnson: “… your work is really the most important work in the world… your job is the one for which all others exist.”
“I think I can understand that feeling about a housewife’s work being like that of Sisyphus (Who was that stone rolling gentleman). But it is surely, in reality, the most important work in the world. What do ships, railways, mines, cars, government, etc. exist for except that people may be fed, warmed, and safe in their own homes? …So your job is the one for which all others exist.”
Are you new to our ABCs of a Charlotte Mason Education series?
You can start with A by clicking below. Happy Reading!
This was so beautifully written and Sara, you really get to the heart of the matter. Thank you.