Conversation begets Affection
“Conversation begets Affection”
I read this quote in William Gurnall's book, The Christian in Complete Armour. I have been mulling it over for some time. First of all, I was thinking of what the word conversation meant in those days. Gurnall lived in the 1600s, and I am reading the 1865 reprint. So, I looked the word up in Webster's 1828 dictionary, which defines it as: "general course of manners; behavior; deportment; especially as it respects morals,” or "a keeping company; familiar intercourse; intimate fellowship or association; commerce in social life." Therefore, this quote could apply to two parts of my life: habits and company. Charlotte Mason certainly addressed these two ideas quite a lot in her writings on this hinge: atmosphere, discipline, and life.
Regarding habits, what am I doing as a habitual part of my life that is garnering my affection? For instance, for years I have gotten up every morning and had a cup of coffee, read my Bible, and prayed. After this many years, I have an affection for this time with the Lord. I look forward to it, and if I ever miss it, I will long for it again. I enjoy getting up earlier than usual and having extra time with my Bible. This "conversation" in my "familiar intercourse" has led to an abiding affection for the Lord and his Word. "Conversation begets affection" encourages us to keep conversing with things that will develop our affections and attention in directions of virtue.
However, what about those habits of conversation that have now developed an affection for things I ought not be in love with? I still bite my nails, I drink a lot of coffee, and YouTube videos are beginning to become a regular thing. I have not quite found a way out of my nail-biting habit, but I am trying to fix my coffee to a certain amount each day. Switching to tea in the afternoons has helped a lot. YouTube is a new affection and honestly an end-of-the-day veg mode habit. I have started using some audiobooks, keeping my Kindle close by or just deciding it would be better to go to sleep. I don't say it's wrong to indulge in a little video once in a while or enjoy that cup of afternoon coffee, but when that conversation begins to develop into an affection that I long for, then I could do real damage to my stomach or stop reading books altogether. "Conversation begets affection,” I believe, is a warning to stop conversing with things that are overtaking our best interests.
The second part of that definition had to do with the company. Who am I spending time with? Are they people who encourage me to follow the Lord, who walk with me through life — who pray for me? I believe this could also be who I am spending time with online. Am I watching those YouTube videos of people that I wouldn't want to influence me or my family? These questions are important — we don't want our affections to be swayed by the company we keep.
However, I think the warning from Gurnall is much more than this. The whole quote from Gurnall says, “Conversation begets affection: some by this have been brought to marry those, whom at first they thought they could not have liked." At first, this struck me as funny, and then I realized what a truth he hit on and what a warning for our young people. I have often counseled my children to stop "talking" or "hanging" with certain people. 1 Corinthians 15:33 tells us that "... evil communications corrupt good manners." Who we spend time with can become someone we develop great affection with. This can be a great thing if it is someone who is a Godly influence on our lives. Someone who encourages us to grow closer to the Lord and to deepen our walk with him. However, there are plenty of those who encourage us to soften our stance, compromise our walk, or "loosen up a bit." In the case of my children, there have been those who might encourage my children to question their parents or, more seriously, question their faith. Following Gurnall's quote to the end, what a tragedy if one marries someone who leads them to make a shipwreck of their faith or causes emotional turmoil in their family.
"For our rejoicing is this, the testimony of our conscience, that in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace of God, we have had our conversation in the world..." 2 Corinthians 1:12. Conversation begets affection. We need to be mindful of our habits and the company we choose to spend our time with. As 2 Corinthians tells us, it is not in fleshly wisdom but in godly sincerity and simplicity.
Debbie Googeg 2024
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