Beyond the Upper Years (Part 2)
When God Writes the Curriculum for You as the Parent
I have now graduated exactly one child and another in one month’s time. I am no expert, but I have learned a little about this life change, and maybe because I am in the middle of it, I can share something that time might fade.
I faced all the emotions and worries that any mom might face when launching her first fledgling out into the world, but what I was not prepared for was that it was time for my course of study to change, too. I suppose I suffered a bit of amnesia: every time I had a new baby, my life turned upside down. Why didn’t I think this would happen when the babies started to leave? This transition caught me flat-footed and then knocked me flying.
I find it funny that God usually sees fit to send transitions clumped together. Kids are leaving home, and my body is changing. I have younger girls going through puberty and older kids growing into adulthood. We are transitioning in our calling and work here on the mission field as we step away from a mature church into a new church plant, and we are moving a teen halfway around the world. For me, the word “transition” inevitably brings to mind childbirth – the hardest part of the whole labor and delivery, in my opinion. It is the difficult change that must be passed through to bring forth new life. Just as a young mother must never forget that labor is necessary and good if she is to bring forth a baby, I must now hold on to the truth that my children were made to grow up and leave my home, and that requires a time of upheaval and change for all of us. Some mothers are more flexible and spontaneous, while others like organization and plans, but none of us like change that hurts. If there is to be change, we want it to be one we have chosen, we like, and yes, one we {think!} we can control.
I am learning that often, the ways God chooses to work in the lives of my far-from-me children are part of this new curriculum. As my first daughter has slowly learned to fly, I have often caught myself wondering why God has allowed her to go through certain things. Why that sickness? Why that difficulty? Why couldn’t *this* have been easier? I have asked; I have wondered. God has quietly reminded me that every part, even the ones I do not understand, is for her good and His glory, AND they are teaching me.
In February and March of this year, our family passed through a deep, hard place with our eldest girl. She was not only far from us but also her support system in the U.S. She was deathly ill, stuck in a government hospital system we did not understand, and in extreme pain. By personality, neither my husband nor I are people prone to panic, but we truly feared for her life.
One night at 2 a.m., I hit bottom. Our internet miraculously kept working all night long. While our girl labored to breathe and waited for help, we prayed and waited for Whatsapp messages to ding through. Then, the messages stopped. I was sick in heart and mind, begging God’s mercy on her and us, when a question from the Holy Spirit came to my mind – “If I take her, will you still trust Me?” Oh, how I hated that question, but trust in God is a rock our family planted our feet on long ago. Through sobs, I told Him yes. The peace and grace I had been pleading for came when I let my girl go. I was able to sleep. The next text came at 4:30 a.m. Her words – “I love you, and God loves me. I am okay.”
The next day, as we shared with our kiddos about all that was going on {and sounding a bit upset while doing so}, my oldest-at-home called me on it. “Mom,” she said, “you have always read us stories about sacrifice and doing hard things and how we should face difficulty like good soldiers of Jesus Christ. Why shouldn’t she face hardship now? Isn’t that part of God’s calling on her life?” I was humbled and silenced in that moment. My child saw it through the lens of truth, while I had seen it through my own lens of fear.
Just as we should see that each child is a born person in need of a broad feast, we must not forget that our good Heavenly Father knows each mother and father needs this, too. The abundant Christian life can only be found through growth, and growth only comes through change. May we be ready for all the forms this growth will take!
Patty Sommer 2024